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8. I thought this one was in the bag. One night, when he thought I was asleep, he said, “You’re too perfect.”
9. If a coyote comes near I am to shout, not run. Or at the very least: shout before running.
10. I grew up! A long time ago I stopped buying low-fat English muffins.
11. In the news today, report of coyote bite: A boy from Fallbrook, California, is bitten on the calf while sleeping on the deck.
12. My new neighbors are a family of four. Their first week in town they bring me a Bundt cake. “Them coyotes—” says the father. “They always this noisy?” Except the way he says “coyote” rhymes with “Hi oat.” The cake looks like a giant donut and smells like a lemon.
13. A whole cake. A hole cake. Ha ha. It goes without saying that I eat more than is sightly.
14. The mayor of Tempe has approved the opening of a zoo within city limits. Should I apply for a job? On my resume, under my degree, I can now list: “second grade teacher.”
15. Every Wednesday, another of the teachers, Ms. Grover, asks if I want to climb at Ladies’ Night at an indoor rock climbing facility. Over and over she asks. Over and over I say no. What is my problem?
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